Everyone is entitled to be stupid; but some abuse the privilege.
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Everyone is entitled to be stupid; but some abuse the privilege.
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I always feel like I just passed my
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I bet my fish rolls his eyes when I tell people on the phone how busy I am.
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Blame someone else and get on with your life.
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My FB account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
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I just hit my snooze button so much it is probably pregnant.
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I have trouble even monotasking.
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Never take a boat ride in shark-infested waters with a stranger who calls you Chum.
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Screw you recommended serving size. You dont know me.
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Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
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Silence is having nothing to say and saying it.
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4 out of 5 dentists agree: Dentist #5 is a real jerk.
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I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness; but no one else turned up.
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my cars horn to sound like gunfire.
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I am stuck to the couch. I think I am half man half sofa now. Just call me a mofa.
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My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
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If pro is opposite of con; then what is the opposite of progress?
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I once prayed to god for a bike; but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a bike and for his forgiveness.
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