This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog, ( I really mean it) 
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My mate just said, “If you were going to finger Susan Boyle, which one would you use?” I said, “Yours.”
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Never assume anything but the position.
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After landing myself in jail I spent the next hour getting relentlessly bummed.Sometimes I think my uncle takes monopoly far to seriously.
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My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down.
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I like my women like I like my toaster…two warm holes and never leaves the kitchen.
What do you get if you cross an Ostrich with a Dormouse? Gail Platt.
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I have an on and off relationship with clothes.
Liking your own status is like giving yourself a highfive in public….ok now where do i press to like that
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Paul Daniels is to air the new series of CITV’s favorite craft show next week. He can’t wait to get Fingertips back.
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Paul Daniels, if you’re such a f*cking ace magician, why did you need a surgeon to sew your f*cking fingers back on?
I guess Heidi Klum failed to seal the deal. #pow
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Yawning is the body’s way of saying ’10% Battery Remaining’.
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Just been to the local jumble sale. Or “Primark” as the wife likes to call it.
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Silly Americans, the internet doesn’t have oil!
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I started an Alcohol Free Diet today. So if its Free, I drink it.
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Paul Daniel’s fingers. Now you see them, now you don’t.
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10cc. Great band, but a crap motorbike.
