I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life… if I die next Tuesday.

Hilarious Facebook Status

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life… if I die next Tuesday. Tweet

sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could crap on the people I don’t like.. Bahahaha :D Tweet

You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status! Tweet

When a women says: GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it. Tweet

Roses are red, violets are blue, friend requests are exciting.. but who the hell are you?! Tweet

A penis has a sad life his hair is a mess his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole, his bestfriend is a pussy & his owner beats him! Tweet

Money – not evil, evil does not end so quickly Tweet

I`m proud of my heart. It`s been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken, but somehow still works. Tweet

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This Tweet

I will never go bungee jumping. A rubber breaking was the reason I was born, it sure as hell isn?t going to be the reason that I die. Tweet

If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea. Tweet

I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying You’re next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, You’re next. Tweet

All girls are like domain names?? The ones I like are already taken. Tweet

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions. Tweet

Put a condom on your heart, so if somebody fucks it up. you are protected Tweet

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet

Smiling does make it a little bit better. Tweet

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it? Tweet

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it Tweet

You`ve got two choices; you can either sit and cry, or spread your wings and fly. Tweet

The best thing about being me, I Tweet

slept like a baby last night Tweet

everyone calls you by your name, but only one person can make it sound special. Tweet

Every rule has an exception, especially this one. Tweet

In 2013 I’m going to sit back, watch the movie 2012 and laugh.. Tweet

Facebook Status

Hilarious Facebook Status

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life… if I die next Tuesday. Tweet

sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could crap on the people I don’t like.. Bahahaha :D Tweet

You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status! Tweet

When a women says: GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it. Tweet

Roses are red, violets are blue, friend requests are exciting.. but who the hell are you?! Tweet

A penis has a sad life his hair is a mess his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole, his bestfriend is a pussy & his owner beats him! Tweet

Money – not evil, evil does not end so quickly Tweet

I`m proud of my heart. It`s been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken, but somehow still works. Tweet

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This Tweet

I will never go bungee jumping. A rubber breaking was the reason I was born, it sure as hell isn?t going to be the reason that I die. Tweet

If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea. Tweet

I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying You’re next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, You’re next. Tweet

All girls are like domain names?? The ones I like are already taken. Tweet

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions. Tweet

Put a condom on your heart, so if somebody fucks it up. you are protected Tweet

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet

Smiling does make it a little bit better. Tweet

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it? Tweet

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it Tweet

You`ve got two choices; you can either sit and cry, or spread your wings and fly. Tweet

The best thing about being me, I Tweet

slept like a baby last night Tweet

everyone calls you by your name, but only one person can make it sound special. Tweet

Every rule has an exception, especially this one. Tweet

In 2013 I’m going to sit back, watch the movie 2012 and laugh.. Tweet

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Facebook Status

Hilarious Facebook Status

You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status! Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

Money – not evil, evil does not end so quickly Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

Smiling does make it a little bit better. Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

The best thing about being me, I Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

slept like a baby last night Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

Every rule has an exception, especially this one. Tweet !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs");

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You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status! Tweet

Money – not evil, evil does not end so quickly Tweet

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet

Smiling does make it a little bit better. Tweet

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it Tweet

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it Tweet

The best thing about being me, I Tweet

slept like a baby last night Tweet

Every rule has an exception, especially this one. Tweet